Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Hey kids, stick with the video games because exercise is really dangerous and it could kill you

I have internet access -- I am aware that everything is a potential harm and I could die for any number of reasons right now as I type. Take the typing for example, I think the resulting carpal tunnel could be complicated by a blood clot forming due to the bloated wrist joint which formed because I never got the proper key board and as soon as I stop typing the clot will let loose and I will be gone from the ensuing aneurysm.

However, even I -- with my sometimes gullible nature and paranoid tendencies -- never thought I would be asked to sign off on my kid so she could JUMP ROPE!

For the gymnastics class, I get it, you -- the gym-- do not want to get sued every time some kid breaks their neck while doing acrobatics on your balance beams. But signing off on rope jumping? Not for the gymnastics gym, but for jumping rope in gym class at school (for an American Heart Association fundraiser). Check out some of the legalese to see for yourself just how concerned you should be:

"JUMP ROPE FOR HEART - RELEASE and INDEMNIFICATION (permission Slip) Jump rope for heart involves jumping rope* -- a strenuous activity that may include risks such as, but not limited to, PHYSICAL EXERTION!*, falls and contact with other participants. I hereby expressly assume all risks, including personal injury and fatality, arising out of my child's participation in Jump Rope For Heart and related activities...

I agree, for myself, my heirs, executors and administrators, to not sue and to release, indemnify and hold harmless..." **

And the rest of it is me signing away her publishing rights for pictures, speaking and any old thing they feel like doing while she is participating in their event. So if they sell her to another family during this event, I gotta pack her stuff and send her on when she's done jumping rope.

I think it's time to buy the PS3 -- the x-box, game cube, TV and computer are only going to fill so much time. And some recliners -- I really think recliners might promote more napping for the kids, especially if I start feeding them higher quantities of nap inducing snack foods. Stay safe kids. Pringles anyone?

*emphasis mine.
**Not responsible for typos or misquotes which may have taken place during the structuring of this blog entry. I hereby absolve myself from any fear of jumping rope or jostlephobia resulting from the reading of information contained in this post.


Blogger Mel said...

OMG. a rope-jumping waiver. i can't believe it. when i was a kid, we'd ride our bikes IN THE STREET, WITHOUT a helmet, and our parents weren't home!! we wer actually allowed OUTSIDE WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION! dear lord, call CPS!!
and look at us now. we're all *ahem* perfectly normal!

12:01 PM  
Blogger livingjetlag said...

Wow, what poetry. If marbles prove the existence of an afterlife (and, really, unless the ground is practically a landfill of kids' stuff, this is an X-file for sure), then a waiver generating fear of physical activity as a health-promoter is definitely Grade-A Prince of Lies material, right up there with the booster seat my 4-foot tall daughter still needs to use, but which makes it harder for her to use a seatbelt.

12:52 PM  
Blogger kim said...

I never thought of it as an X-file!

Scully and Mulder should be here any moment now -- I'm so excited.

7:43 PM  

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