Besides craving fast food, name a clue that would indicate you are pre-menstrual:

Show me; "can't dress myself"!

Not even basic comfort clothes will help unless I've layed an outfit out prior to the hormonal blitz. Otherwise, I may wear sweats with pumps or something equally strange. I will know it's a wrong choice, but I'll be darned if the correct answer will come to mind.

I've learned not to shop during this state of mind either. It's tempting because, I have nothing to wear. I've been compelled to run out to find "something classic", something very "Jackie O".

But here's the deal -- I already own plenty of classic pieces and if I'm overwhelmed looking at them in one tiny closet, what do you think happens to me in a department store?

You've heard of booze goggles? Try purchasing clothes with pre-menstrual vision. What screams "timeless" to the hormonal eye shouts, "raided her grandmother's closet" to anyone with an ounce of fashion sense. No, not even fashion sense -- anyone with an ounce of dignity knows, even old people should not be wearing these things.

I need my sister.