Providence -- can I get an act of Providence over here
For real, because what with all that "omni" business and all, what's a little removing of the bullshit from my life?
Serious. I mean, nobody likes a whiner, but the amount of crap on my psychological plate right now it astonishing.
Part of me would love to list the issues, but my psyche will not allow me to look at any such list -- if I start, I get to the third item and this Tourette like thing happens and I yell, "WHAT?!" -- really loudly.
I am not even kidding.
Now, I'm not looking for anything at the moment because all problems have been identified and are being dealt with and I am a proficient -- "do what's in front of you" -- machine. The reason I am here is because there is currently no immediate action which needs to be taken on any of these issues and this is where trouble happens.
You see, the check list is so huge and it just floats around up there and if my mind is not focused on a task, the whole list tries to dump on me at once. Here, it's like the task is a firewall and when I don't have something pressing to do, there is a trojan horse in the machine that let's so many pop ups through -- if I weren't so freaking amazing and resilient, I would crash and burn.
As amazing as I am, I'm still human -- instead of the crash and burn, I go into tail chasing mode over the small stuff. What that looks like is me taking twenty minutes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I have to walk in the pantry for the jelly at least six times, because the first five I forget what the hell I'm in the pantry for and spend of couple minutes trying to figure it out, surrendering to the fact that the information is irretrievable -- leave the pantry, go find socks for a kid, search for my misplaced coffee, remember I need jelly when I see the empty lunch boxes on the table, go back into the pantry -- which is also the laundry room -- "oh, shit I have to get that load in the dryer before it goes sour. I came in here for something -- shit."...
That kind of thought train becomes crippling if I don't do something like sit down and blog about the fact that I am overwhelmed. Making a to do list helps too, but sometimes I have to share, otherwise my mind locks on to the idea that I have a really good blog post in the making, but I really don't -- just a couple of funny lines that I need to work in somewhere outside of my head in order that they quit plaguing me with the notion that they are comedic brilliance.
And aren't those the ones which rarely are? I'll crack myself up all day, finally get it out and it'll be an absolute dud. And frankly, I don't give a rats ass -- the main objective is to get it off the hamster wheel, if you know what I mean (and peace be with you if you do know what I mean).
Lastly, the whole reason for this purge is because I need to go buy paint -- something I do all the time and am usually quite decisive about. In tail chasing mode, I cannot accept that a child's room should be done in a satin finish, do to the wash-ability requirements of a kids bedroom walls -- when (are you still with me?) an eggshell finish would look better and hide more flaws... initially.
So, I need to buy satin, but am stuck in ocd hell over the thought of the look of the eggshell finish and it is such a minor issue -- for the love of blogger -- let it go!!!!!
Okay, I think I'm done. I can go now. Thanks for listening.
Serious. I mean, nobody likes a whiner, but the amount of crap on my psychological plate right now it astonishing.
Part of me would love to list the issues, but my psyche will not allow me to look at any such list -- if I start, I get to the third item and this Tourette like thing happens and I yell, "WHAT?!" -- really loudly.
I am not even kidding.
Now, I'm not looking for anything at the moment because all problems have been identified and are being dealt with and I am a proficient -- "do what's in front of you" -- machine. The reason I am here is because there is currently no immediate action which needs to be taken on any of these issues and this is where trouble happens.
You see, the check list is so huge and it just floats around up there and if my mind is not focused on a task, the whole list tries to dump on me at once. Here, it's like the task is a firewall and when I don't have something pressing to do, there is a trojan horse in the machine that let's so many pop ups through -- if I weren't so freaking amazing and resilient, I would crash and burn.
As amazing as I am, I'm still human -- instead of the crash and burn, I go into tail chasing mode over the small stuff. What that looks like is me taking twenty minutes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I have to walk in the pantry for the jelly at least six times, because the first five I forget what the hell I'm in the pantry for and spend of couple minutes trying to figure it out, surrendering to the fact that the information is irretrievable -- leave the pantry, go find socks for a kid, search for my misplaced coffee, remember I need jelly when I see the empty lunch boxes on the table, go back into the pantry -- which is also the laundry room -- "oh, shit I have to get that load in the dryer before it goes sour. I came in here for something -- shit."...
That kind of thought train becomes crippling if I don't do something like sit down and blog about the fact that I am overwhelmed. Making a to do list helps too, but sometimes I have to share, otherwise my mind locks on to the idea that I have a really good blog post in the making, but I really don't -- just a couple of funny lines that I need to work in somewhere outside of my head in order that they quit plaguing me with the notion that they are comedic brilliance.
And aren't those the ones which rarely are? I'll crack myself up all day, finally get it out and it'll be an absolute dud. And frankly, I don't give a rats ass -- the main objective is to get it off the hamster wheel, if you know what I mean (and peace be with you if you do know what I mean).
Lastly, the whole reason for this purge is because I need to go buy paint -- something I do all the time and am usually quite decisive about. In tail chasing mode, I cannot accept that a child's room should be done in a satin finish, do to the wash-ability requirements of a kids bedroom walls -- when (are you still with me?) an eggshell finish would look better and hide more flaws... initially.
So, I need to buy satin, but am stuck in ocd hell over the thought of the look of the eggshell finish and it is such a minor issue -- for the love of blogger -- let it go!!!!!
Okay, I think I'm done. I can go now. Thanks for listening.
Labels: and where is my modest mouse cd?, i think they call them "racing thoughts", it's going to get dingy too fast -- i have to go with the satin
posted by kim at
10:07 AM
6 Comments:
Holy hell, girl! I hear ya, I totally suffer from what I like to call Mommy ADD! I do the pantry walk a million times & not know what the hell I've walked in there for! I love that!!
As for the paint, I know it sounds lame & a small thing but really I get caught up in the small things too!
For the Love of Blogger, that was great! Good Luck with the being overwhelmed, hope it gets better! & know you can "purge" your thoughts to us anytime!!
awww, thanks kate. I think most of us mom's know that pantry walk, but i know YOU KNOW just how handy a sense of humor can be when life throws a biggie at you -- one minute you are clear, in charge and a problem solving missile as you help someone through chemo with one hand and do homework, dinner and housework with the other. but when that crisis lets up and you start to process -- holy twenty minute sandwich making batman.
btw -- your profile picture make me so happy -- I should print it out for when I'm taking myself too seriously -- blaaaa.
Safety belt on? check! All systems go! I've been so wrapped up in nothing in my head that it popped...and I spewed. But my safety belt was on.
Kim~ You just made my day! It is true I do MUCH better with a crisis as it happens. It's the aftermath where I fall apart. I can handle it all, kids, dinners, carpools, & a little chemo thrown in there for fun. It's when you realize what is really going on, when you step back & take a minute to actually think thru it all that I'm a useless pile of mush! Throw me a crisis anyday, just don't watch me fall apart the next day...
I'm glad you like my lunatic picture!
Hang in there, after the processing is over & the pantry dance is about to give you a nervous breakdown, you'll get a second wind! & if you don't you can always email me & we'll talk about it!!
katealger125 at earthlink dot net
Hey there, no problem! Hang in there!! & I'm serious if you need to talk I'll listen!
Sometimes you have to laugh or you'd cry. Those moments have become way to commonplace these days!! Damn it all...
Take care!!
I just read the comment on the facial hair post about "stray eyebrows" that is CLASSIC! I'm going to start using that too...
Here's a good story for ya~
I always call my upper lip, my "man lip" & where we lived before my good friend cut & colored my hair & being the good hairdresser she was she waxed my lip & brows too. So, when I would make the appointments & usually on her answering machine I would tell her that my highlights were growing out to my ears & my damn man lip was filling in. Well after we moved & she hadn't waxed my man lip for several months she had another customer come in & not even thinking asked her if they were waxing her man lip today! Oh my word my friend almost died when she realized what she said, & her older client did NOT appreciate it! OOPS... That's what she gets for being friends with me. My stupid ways rubbed off on her & she totally offended a client. hee hee hee
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home