Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Power

Half the time I'm bitching that my kids don't listen to a word I say, but the freakier fact is that they do.

So many examples this week, especially with Winnie, who is in the fourth grade. Apparently, fourth grade is the year to be fickle, and the time to learn about fair-weather friends, and the year to learn how to be mad without ending the friendship.

This is a terrible post because I can't think of the example that really floored me this week, I can only remember that I thought, holy crap, I'd better start paying closer attention to the advice I'm giving this kid and give her something that she can really use.

When your kid is in tears and says, "I tried doing what you said" and goes into detail about doing the thing you suggested and how it did not resolve a thing. Something about hearing your words in action and having them fail your kid -- uhg.

I fessed up and told her I didn't have all the answers. I mentioned the things I say are the things that work for me, but in truth -- there are grown ups who don't ever get this stuff -- it doesn't work on everyone. I told her grade school can be harder than middle school and even high school in this regard because this is the time you have to figure out about being a friend and who deserves a second chance and who should sit on it and rotate.

The hardest part for me was seeing how my kid was trying to impress this other girl who was treating her like shit. Hear me when I say, "that girl does not deserve your effort." And pointing out all of the good friends who were standing by her...nothing. But today Winnie and the enemy were getting along and my girl is happy again.

Of all the sage things I had to offer, the one thing that seemed to give her a bit of relief was when I said I thought grade school could be really hard. Her whole body slumped with that "you understand" slump thing that people do -- it made me want to hold my baby forever, right after I kicked that Shelly girl's ass.

Of course I did no kicking of any ass -- it's a good thing too, because of them being friends again today aaand, I don't think it would have been right for a mom to kick the ass of a fourth grader. Winnie would have been embarrassed for sure -- she doesn't even like it when I sing out loud.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Melek said...

did you really tell her to have the girl 'sit on it and rotate'?? hahahaha....

poor girl. friendships are hard. too bad a hug can't solve all of her problems anymore.

9:37 AM  
Blogger KATE said...

Okay, thats it, who is this damn Shelly girl? I'm not afraid to kick her ass! Could you imagine how BAD we would scare her going after her togehter? hee hee, let's do it! I'm not above kicking a 4th graders ass. I did it in 4th grade, I'll do it again!!!!

Isn't it funny how all the crazy nasty girl crap hits us as parents! That crazy Mama Bear instict is fierce!!! Love it, and i'm sure you did a great job with the advice! hang in there Mom!!

4:32 PM  
Blogger Cecily R said...

Oh, I am so with you on this one. Gracie is struggling with some social stuff and I HATE not having all the answers. I hate wanting to go over to the girl in question's house and shake her. And then shake her parents. Most of all, I hate it when Gracie cries and there isn't a thing I can really do. Sometimes I wish ass kicking was allowed. I really do.

6:58 PM  
Blogger kim said...

mel -- I really did.
hugs should solve everything -- why don't they, dang it.

kate -- you sound exactly like my lizzie. When winnie was spilling the story and crying lizzie said, "that's it, what's her number? i'm calling her right now!."
I had to hold that little scrapper back, but i was so proud.

cecily -- hate it. we are a small school though and i know these kids, so sometimes when i catch winnie and the kid near each other i'll say something like i'm talking to both of them -- something that lets the kid know i know what's up, but that it's no big deal and i try to provide an out, "hi shelly"
"hi mrs. h"
"you girls going to manage to get along today?"
"yes"
"good. I thought you guys were going to take each other down yesterday."
they usually laugh. tone is key -- one way your kid looks like a tattle tale, and the other way the kids think mrs. h is great and they don't want to look bad so they usually line up.
I'm not against giving the eye either ;O). I usually save the eye for the boys.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Candy said...

what sucks is NOT learning from it- and still trying to impress people who treat you like crap when you're 40!!!

(i'm dealing with this myself)

11:53 PM  
Blogger KATE said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:55 PM  
Blogger TTQ said...

will you be my new mommy? I need as many as I can get. I'm a little needy, you see..

Oh and I hit like a girl..actually your girls can probably hit better than me.

3:15 PM  

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