Friday, March 03, 2006

Cancer scare

We are having a cancer scare in our house this week. Not actual cancer, cancer scare, but a -- is there or isn't there cancer, cancer scare.

One answer would be serious and so you get scared that it might be that answer. The other answer means you were scared for nothing. So, you count on the nothing and the scare part doesn't feel so scary or serious -- it's more of a really heavy wait and see where everybody is just a little bit nicer to each other.

What's happening is that Rich has a weird lump that is getting checked today -- on top of the fact that he had surgery this week to remove a polyp from his throat.

We are doing much better with the actual cancer scare than we do with all of the imagined health scares which go on between us. And not that we run around being scared for each other, it's more silent suffering on our own, but with clues, "can't talk right now, I think I might be dying" (or in the beginning stages of MS, fibromyalgia, cancer, heart attack -- pick an ailment).

"Okay, let me know if that turns into anything then. In the meantime, have you seen my blue shirt anywhere?"

But now that he has gone to the doctor and actually has something, which is "probably nothing, but we need to get it checked out" to see what kind of nothing -- that could be something-- it is.
It's kind of weird. I'm not gripped by fear (like when the MS is causing the ankle pain), I'm calm and fairly okay with being in the wait and see mode. I'm ready to spring into action should it be cancerous (that is -- right after I faint. If it were late stage deadly cancer I would faint, but if it's early stages highly curable cancer, then I wouldn't faint). All the same, it will be nice when the "probably nothing" is a confirmed "benign" nothing.

Rich says he's not too worried either, but at the same time, he checked to see that his life insurance was paid up. We still don't have the answer because our agent died and he was independent and the parent company has changed it's name and we haven't got a bill since last payment(when the agent still lived). Nobody knows who is in charge of our policy. We still have some possible leads to get us through some more of the red tape.

Something to keep us busy while we wait to see.



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