Monday, September 11, 2006

From my personal journal September 11, 2001:

The girls are sleeping and I'm getting ready to nap as well. I doubt I will sleep. I can't stop watching the TV news coverage of the days events this far.

When Rich called I got chills and went hollow. As I watched coverage and Katie Couric mention the twin towers each being hit -- one twenty five minutes after the other and will anything else happen. Just a couple of minutes after her comment the Pentagon was hit. Some guy was talking from his office on the other side of the building -- not sure if the noises and shaking he heard and felt were related to another attack or not. As it came through that, yes, another plane was used to crash into the building...So insane!

My brain is still trying to process and things are still happening -- a car bomb somewhere -- another plane? Something in Pennsylvania

The trade towers are gone -- gone-- no more...

I had the TV on in Winnie's room -- I went and got the little one from the garage so I could watch coverage while keeping the girls day semi normal. I painted some more in winnie's room, we played and read books. I thought perhaps I should take a shower as I smell pretty bad and am pretty dirty and what if the terrorists keep going to the point of complete shut down of all function (electric, etc...) -- what if this were my last chance for a shower for some time.

I'm still dirty.

We are carrying on as usual in the house, but of course it all feels strange and uncertain. The brain just thinks of the ordinary and practical against the backdrop of...what do you call this feeling? Terror?

It's too unbelievable to strike that kind of emotion -- it's a hollow void instead of the prickles of fear.

In answer to the inner urgings to do something, I prayed on my knees instead of just staying in my chair. I want to wrap my thoughts and heart around the world and by sheer force of will, protect it from harm and to stop the pain of those who suffer, who are injured or trapped or who have lost. I want to thwart any further actions with my hard pleadings to God. To do my personal best prayer work and urge others...just that human call to join together in sanity and kindness.

I kiss my girls and am grateful for their current safety.


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