Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Did I ever tell you about the time I slapped that down's syndrome kid?

I did -- I usually put that on my resume right after the "threw shoes at dog who barked too much" (it was a bigger dog -- he ducked).

But about slapping that kid -- Stewie was a guy who washed dishes for the restaurant I used to work at. My nickname at the time was "Punky" due to one bad hair day and a cook who decided it made me look like Punky Brewster. To this day people from that place call me Punky.

Stewie.

Stewie was always on the flirty side, but this particular day he took things a bit too far. There were several of us on break at the time -- we were all chatting, eating or smoking -- the usual break room stuff before the world went smoke free. Well, in a sudden burst of uncontrolled impulse, Stewie decided to go for my goods -- in a one swift motion he leaned over and drove his hand up my skirt and struck gold! In a -- get your hand off of my crotch -- kind of reaction, I open hand slapped him across the face.

It was a very loud slap.

His hand quickly retreated from my south and flew to hold the side of his own stinging face. We all froze into statues except for the eyes which looked the question to me, "Oh my God, did you just slap Stewie?!" Then over to Stewie, "Oh crap, is he going to cry?"

Nobody took a breath for several loooong seconds. The first to move was Stewie -- he began to rub his cheek and then he said, "Close shave Punky, close shave".

We all laughed -- whew!

I decided that the next time a challenged someone makes a move up my skirt, I'm just going to grab their hand away and say, "keep your hand off my crotch".

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Tooth Fairey said...

Downs syndrome? That old con?
Don't fall for that shit, that's how I met my first wife. Till she caught me driving anyway.

7:53 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Driving gave you away? You could have played that off -- definately, definately done some bad driving.

(I know, rain man had the wrong affliction here, but it's the only special needs driving reference I could come up with).

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Tooth Fairey said...

I could have gotten away with it if I was hanging over the steering wheel, drooling and screaming "I'm dwiving, I'm dwiving!!"

But..that's not my style. I like to drive with one foot on the dash, arm hanging out the window, air surfing with my hand flat out, smoking my sherlock holmes pipe. That was the dead giveaway. Seriously, how many retards do you know own a sherlock holmes pipe?

2:18 PM  
Blogger Kari Lee Townsend said...

Holy cow, I can't top that one. But to be honest, downs syndrome or not, he's still a guy and my gut reaction would have been to slap too.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Swishy said...

Wow! He went right for it, huh? Ha ha.

11:11 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Kari, I'm sure if it ever happened again, the slap would happen all over again -- someone at your stuff who doesn't belong there definately brings out the kind of reaction that will make it stop instantly. Even so, if you knew Stewie, grabbing his hand away would have worked fine -- he was a little devil, but a managable one.

He was a doll, but every once in a while he'd just do something screwy, like eat all the asprin out of the first aid kit, or set the bathroom garbage on fire, or slip a little vodka from the bar into his o.j. -- sounds a little dangerous when I string them all together like this -- but I have to say, he never repeated the same mistake twice. He still works there and my story is from 17 years or more ago.

I don't harbor guilt -- every once in a while I just think, holy crap, I slapped Stewie really hard.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Master Enigma said...

you right so well...

something beyond clever or funny or even beyond real.

Your words capture and engage.

well done

2:37 AM  
Blogger kim said...

Wow, thanks Master Enigma -- that sounds like one for a book jacket.

...now, if I would just make the time to write a book.

10:02 AM  
Blogger TTQ said...

Do you still smoke??

4:34 PM  
Blogger kim said...

No more smoking.

After too many failed attempts to count -- I credit a specific vitamin regimine and Stuart Smally.

The vitamins: Nature's best zinc, calcium, magnesuim combo 3x a day (I rarely remember all three per day, two seems to cut it), b-complex, vitamin c and Carlson's brand fish oil (or a handful of walnuts -- the omega=3's is what I'm after). The vitamin suggestions are from a person whose done much research on the chemistry of addictive folk and I must say she has to be on to something, because I don't even sort of crave cigarettes and in all my previous years of failed attempts...

Stuart smally aspect was changing my self loathing/fear of death thoughts every time I smoked to "even though I smoke, I deeply love and respect myself"

between those two things, I haven't smoked nor wanted to in over two years.

7:54 PM  

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