Thursday, April 12, 2007

I feel so alone

"A week to ten days" -- that's how long I may be without my TV. They had to take her to fix the HDMI cable port -- what am I going to do?

Read? Sleep? Clean? Play board games? Talk to my husband? Bathe?

What to do, what... to... do.



Blogger TTQ said...

ACCCK!!! No dvr??? My husband sleeps with the tv on (so I guess that means I do too huh)I dvr all my shows and watch them after he falls asleep to fox news. You could blog alot, or read, take bubble baths everynight..

7:31 PM  
Blogger Swishy said...


11:17 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

i think you should blog every day about your experience and how much NOT having a tv has enriched your life :)

9:51 AM  
Blogger kim said...

silly mel, enrich my life while I still have a computer?

Don't you know? I'm the one who put the "pro" in procrastinator :o).

12:30 PM  
Anonymous tooth fairey said...

This might help pass the time. It's a true story that happened to me about two years ago. I have to warn you though, it's not pretty.

I Can't Stop Shtting.

A bug hitched a ride on something I ate last week and set up shop in
my lower GI tract turning solids into liquids. A day of the runs is
nothing to worry about, it's even something you might ignore
completely, but after three days, you start to wonder. I bought some of
the medication i’ve heard on commercials all my life, names that were
familiar to me in a vague sort of way but nothing I had ever given any
thought to until now. Now I was rocking back and forth in wallgreens
trying to strengthening my ass cheeks and praying to God (who's got
better things to worry about I'm told) that if I could just hold off
another twenty minutes I'd give up smoking and be a better person and
why the fuck did you make those little bugs anyway? Hunh?! Mylanta,
Immodium AD, pepto-bismal. Chewable tablets and liquid form, I took
them all but nothing worked. I started to hover around the bathroom,
reading a book and waiting for the inevitable, the gurgling noises and
the sudden warm drop at the door of my ass, the last chance to get in
there and go again or i'd ruin another pair of shorts. ( Yes another.
I'd ruined one pair at the beginning of this odyssey when what I thought
was a harmless gas bubble yearning to be free was made up of more than
just gas.) I'd gone five days of this before I grew concerned enough to
seek professional help. So I called my mom who said to eat bananas and
bread. "Try to clump things up " was her advice. It didn't sound very
scientific but what the hell, she's a nurse and raised four kids, she's
probably seen this before. So I ate only bread and bananas and, sure
enough, shat bread and bananas along with more fluid than I thought I
had in me. ( The human body is amazing. It produces far more than it
ever takes in, kind of like perpetual motion. No matter how long i
starved myself for, I'd still produce! If only it could be converted to
energy) My ass was raw from wiping. I could feel my heartbeat in my
sphincter like you would feel in your thumb after hitting it with a
hammer. I called and made an appointment with a doctor. I'd hoped that
after giving her a detailed account of what I'd been going thru she
could just scribble out a prescription and that would be that. Not so.
"Strip from your waist down" She said. I protested but it was no use,
she wanted to see my ass. My raw, chapped ass and besides, she's seen
more asses than I would believe. I believed her, i just didn't want to
show it to her. I knew she'd poke around and I was really fine with
being examined, I was just terrified of what would happen if she
prodded too far. My greatest fear was letting lose and spraying the
poor woman. It wasn't unfounded. I knew just how little pressure it
took to open the floodgates and I was afraid that she might activate
it. Luckily, no such thing happened. I rolled on my side, she spread
and gently, gently prodded. "Hmmm, you ARE raw...and I see an old
fissure too." A fissure? A FISSURE? How the hell did I get that? She
assured me that it was common for someone at my age to have such things
but I felt I had to tell her that I wasn't the type of person to put
things in my ass, if that's what she was thinking. She wasn't. She gave
me a script, fourteen pills of some kind of antibiotic and I drove home
riding sidesaddle. That was yesterday and I'm still waiting for the
pills to work.

11:07 AM  
Blogger kim said...

Well, I hope you are losing permanent pounds out of the deal. I know you're a fairey and all, but an American fairey, yes?

You could lose ten or so.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous tooth fairey said...

Thanks. And yes, I lost twenty. It was a nasty way to lose it though.

9:15 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home