We all have our moments

You know how Oprah has her "light bulb" moments?
I have, what I like to call, "fork in the eye" moments.

Here's a bit of pre-marriage counseling for ya'll (If you are already married -- you already know, or will soon enough). Anyway, the deal is that everyone is a broken record -- every last one of us.

When you are dating, if your heart's desire says something that annoys you --multiply that annoyance using a very high exponential number.

If the object of your affection says something witty, ask yourself if it will still be funny after it's been said in similar situations for years on end. The more yeses you wrack up the happier you will be, and don't kid yourself here -- there's no "maybe", no "kinda", no "it won't be that bad" or "I'll just ignore it," -- it's yes, or no --ANY hesitation in answering, put it on the "no" side.

And if ever you think to yourself, "Wow, that was really an asshole way to act toward that person." And then further think, "I know that will be coming my way one day" --

IT DOES YOU KNOW GOOD TO KNOW A THING IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO IGNORE IT! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO THROW SOMETHING OUT OF THE EQUATION BECAUSE IT DOES NOT GO ALONG WITH YOUR DESIRE TO MARRY THE ASSHOLE. WHEN IN THE PAST HAVE YOU EVER IGNORED SOMEONE'S BAD PERSONALITY TRAIT OUT OF EXISTENCE? WHAT? WHAT?! NEVER? THAT'S RIGHT. THAT IS EXACTLY FUCKING RIGHT, NEVER. EVER.

It's a big deal now-- isn't it, smarty pants.

Okay, glad to get that off my chest. And, by the way, honey? Your ass is not a windshield wiper, you can stop saying that it is.