2020

 2020, how are you doing?

I think I hate the words "New Normal"

I need to write for cathartic reasons.  I don't have time right now, but wanted to at least get it out there that "New Normal" is bothersome.

Life event. There is a before and there is an after. There is no going back, so you get forced into the new normal, and I am just not right with the concept.  Find a way to be okay with this shit deal. Million reasons for gratitude, could have been worse -- for real, but it's still a shit deal.

If I am going to get a 2012 date stamp, may as well be this one

12

2011 post

Came here to visit today -- took me a moment to remember how to sign in to blogger. Hello blog and blogger friends, I feel like I am visiting my internet home town.

We've lost a friend since we last spoke and I really feel the absence of TTQ now that I'm here.

Dang, I'm rusty. I want to say things and honor the loss of a special friend, but the writing is just not here, but it's definately an absence in this space. I'm a little overwhelmed by emotion at the moment. I feel that very special understanding and connection -- that weird little 'goes without saying' between us personal journal type bloggers. You're not here, I feel it and I miss you.

As for this blog -- I think about starting a new one sometimes. I'd like to join in on the "My town Monday" and/or join a photo story thread. I could start here, maybe go through the archives and delete some of the public floggings of the spouse so I can invite family. (Listen, you marry someone with Asperger's and then we'll talk about it... and they don't let you spouse bash on the Aspie message boards, or I would have joined a group by now. Besides, all my rantings were from before I figured it out, so we're lucky I had a place to vent or my children could have been from a broken home by now). I really thought he had brain damage from his drug induced youth, but then someone suggested Asperger's ... it took a while for it to really sink in, that it was more than a personality quirk and that lack of "theory of mind" is pretty much an explanation for all of the - fork in the eye - moments... There's so much more to it, integration issues and a whole picture that is the deal with Asperger folk -- posts, many posts -- could do a whole blog on just that, but I won't.

Anyway, stopping by for a visit and getting a post with 2011 stamped on it. I miss the writing connection with myself, there's nothing quite like that space one cuts through in order to get at the things waiting to be said or told. I miss connecting to kindreds through sharing...

I really doubt I'll start another blog, but maybe I'll post again before 2012... who knows?

That's it for today, blogger buddies. Nice to see you all again :)

Don't call us, we'll call you

I'm such a liar. I really thought I would be posting sooner.

Currently, most of my creative energy is on hold and obsessing over the arrival of my kitchen cabinets. It's like the suburban housewife equivalent of a teenager waiting for that boy to call. I'm trying to pretend I don't care and have other things to do with my time and I'm okay either way, really. I'm trying to trick the universe into believing me, because you know the goods will never arrive if I care too much about superficial things like that -- it's the rules.

Ikea, take your time with those affordable, organization oriented, dampered drawer cabinets of yours.

I'm still here

I'm alive and well and have some posts brewing. I'm claiming the old, "been too busy to blog". But all along my kids and family have been cute, wise, terrible and otherwise blog worthy. I've got a serious post or two, not sure I'll ever get around to those, but I ruminate on the ideas just in case.

I received a comment on my dear abandoned blog and am taking it as a prompter to get back in the swing.

See you soon blog buddies!

The Giant Footprint

I've just been sworn to secrecy - so between me, you and the internet -- my children have found a giant shoe print in the sand.  They were at the park with the neighbor kid and they found it.  They had buried something and marked it with a rubber-band  X and now there is nothing but the footprint -- a Giant one -- the rubber-bands are gone!  All three of the girls are breathless with excitement.

Yesterday they had found some money in the sand and that is why they buried something in the lucky spot and then marked it. They have dug in the sand near the foot and have found a brick -- there are letters on the brick and they believe it to be some sort of code -- a code for money? 

They are going to dig to see what's buried beneath the brick -- they think the foot may belong to the money leaver and that he has returned to burry more -- soon they may be rich!

I have the best kids

Today is my birthday, but my kids started with the birthday treatment yesterday.  Lizzie prepared a glass of seltzer with a pineapple garnish (so fancy) -- she set it by the computer where she was sure I would see it.  I've also received a special card and flower pot (also by the computer).  

Winnie has been all manners and "can I get you anything, mom?" And both have been asking many questions about my favorite types of food.

I love being a mom.

I love bloggers

I just needed to take a moment to express a little gratitude to my blogging friends and community.

Somewhere inside of me there is a commandment, "thou shalt not blog a rant without contextualizing". Unfortunately, there is an even larger over-ride button and the bitter pen will throw a beloved under the nearest and largest freight train with nothing more than a minor hesitation before hitting that orange publish button.

I am happy to say that most people understand that I am just having a moment and are very supportive.  I love you guys for that. 

Thanks friends.

Frustrated

"I hate that every time I try to make a point you put me on some kind of proving ground."

"When have I ever made you prove anything?"