Thursday, August 31, 2006

The hormone thing I know, PMS already -- but for real -- it's bullshit

I got my period today and while the radiating front and back cramps suck as usual -- I'm just taking a moment to appreciate the power of hormones because it's instant -- I go from being irritated by everyone and everything, back to loving all that is good about humanity in the flick of an ovarian switch.

I'm so full of love for my kids right now, I'm like a Stepford mother with my smiles and loving stares.

Hope I'm not creeping them out.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Besides craving fast food, name a clue that would indicate you are pre-menstrual:

Show me; "can't dress myself"!

Not even basic comfort clothes will help unless I've layed an outfit out prior to the hormonal blitz. Otherwise, I may wear sweats with pumps or something equally strange. I will know it's a wrong choice, but I'll be darned if the correct answer will come to mind.

I've learned not to shop during this state of mind either. It's tempting because, I have nothing to wear. I've been compelled to run out to find "something classic", something very "Jackie O".

But here's the deal -- I already own plenty of classic pieces and if I'm overwhelmed looking at them in one tiny closet, what do you think happens to me in a department store?

You've heard of booze goggles? Try purchasing clothes with pre-menstrual vision. What screams "timeless" to the hormonal eye shouts, "raided her grandmother's closet" to anyone with an ounce of fashion sense. No, not even fashion sense -- anyone with an ounce of dignity knows, even old people should not be wearing these things.

I need my sister.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Monotony turns your brain to mush

I'm on the verge of some sort of mental break down, and yet -- if only that were true.

Sometimes I get a little jealous of crazy people because -- how nice to not have to worry about a thing (other than the aliens, law enforcement, the mob, the CIA, the FBI and all those agencies they won't tell you about).

If I had a choice, I'd crack into a Jesus freak -- they always seem to so happy feeling the love and spreading the word, "Jesus is Ace!".

I'd take my meds too -- are you kidding me? What've you got?

Go ahead, mellow me right the fuck out.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Nature camouflaged him to look like a branch -- he never had a chance

Lizzie accidentally stepped on a caterpillar. The girls ran in all excited because it had green blood -- dark green, ink blood! They were even more breathy over the fact that, even though squished, the thing still lived.

Sure enough, that thing was quite alive and feisty for a critter who was, from what I could see, gutless.

The girls wondered what to do. At first I thought we should put it out of it's misery, but then I had a flashback to when my sister and I tried to put a grasshopper "out of it's misery" -- it just wouldn't die no matter what we did to it -- horror.

If you are brave, it's over in a stomp -- if you are squeamish, mercy is full of sticks, stones and fire -- (smoke may kill, but fire? Oh that poor insect).

On second thought, "I know if you cut a worm in half it can live. Let's just let nature take it's course, maybe he has a chance."

They buried it in leaves so people could see something was there and not step on it again. And just in case you were wondering what those leaves were (because sometimes leaves are just "stew") -- the girls spelled it out for us.

We checked on him this morning and he was gone. Crawled away?



Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Pimp my barbie dream house

The last Picture is how the house came. Winnie got the house from Santa three or four years ago. The only thing she wanted was the pink plastic Barbie doll house and Santa screwed up.
Santa thought bigger and less breakable was better. Santa was wrong. She didn't pitch a fit, but it was her first experience in Santa not always coming through the way you think he will.

The main problem was no staircase and the painted furniture on the walls, "why would they paint furniture when you are going to put the furniture in?"

...And really, it can't be because you can't afford it -- if you can spare the bill for this hunk of pressboard, I would hope you could part with another $15 or so for a room set.

I've thought of painting it before, but yesterday I became possessed after a flood of creative ideas.

I was just going to paint the rooms, but it was going fast so I went to Wal-mart for some carpet type items and found many marvelous goodies -- all in perfect coordinating colors to what I was working on.

The lower level green room has yet to have spots painted on the wall. I'm also going to make a much desired spiral staircase, but if I never got to it I think we would be okay.

Love that glue gun.


Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I say to myself, "don't eat after 7 p.m."

Myself hears, "Eat constantly until midnight."

I hope my friend shows up soon before I don't fit any of my pants.