Paradigm shift

Breathing a sigh of relief as the dust from a critical piece of information settles.

I wish I had time to explain myself fully, but I don't so I shall keep on in a cryptic fashion with the hopes that you get the gist of it.

If you've followed my blog for any length of time at all, you may have picked up on the fact that I love my husband very much, but that I have also had one foot out the door for pretty much of our entire marriage.

There were times I'd try to bring that other foot in, but very quickly -- "Aw, hell to the no." For matters of sanity, dignity and getting on with it -- I had to keep my options open.

Some people fear their spouse might cheat. I would actually day dream about it, "I can have his bags packed in 20 minutes. He likes oatmeal for breakfast, don't cook mushrooms while he's in the house, get him to bed early and don't use too much fabric softener when drying his clothes. Okay, good luck then -- kiss, kiss."

I, literally, could write a book about all of this.

We went to marriage counseling once. What I have to say about that is, "when I said "never", I wasn't globalizing -- what I meant was, NEVERRRRR."

I made a brief mention of the correct diagnosis of the problem in a previous post. It has taken months for the information to sink in. I've laughed, I've cried, I've wanted to throw up...and now I'm out the other side and all is well.

Knowledge is indeed power. We are both on the same page -- which is critical, because we wouldn't work if only one of us was in the know.

For the first time, I have both feet firmly in and it feels right and safe. If we fell apart from here, it would be alright, but I really don't think that's going to happen.

I am deeply in love with my husband.